The Root Cause of Marriage Failures

What is the root cause of the flood of marriage failures in our time? Why is marriage itself in such trouble now?

We might illustrate the answer this way: When something goes wrong with a complex computer, who is called in for repairs? Not another computer. Instead, a superior mind is called in, an expert computer technician, preferably the designer or manufacturer, someone who really knows.

Who, then, should we call in for “repairs” when human relations in marriage break down? Other humans, whose knowledge is also limited? No. As with a computer breakdown, it would make far more sense to consult a superior mind, someone who really knows, preferably the designer or manufacturer.

Who would that be? The Creator of humans and the Originator of marriage, Jehovah God. Since he designed mankind and marriage, he knows far better than anyone else why breakdowns occur and what it takes for human relationships to work right.

Root Cause

This, then, brings us to the most basic cause, the root cause, of marriage failures. It is this: One mate, or both of them, ignores the laws and principles for marital happiness laid down by Jehovah God, the One who made humans and marriage.

When couples cooperate within the framework of those wise, practical laws and principles, marriage success will follow. But when they are ignored, trouble is not far behind.

That formula for marital happiness is not left to our imagination. It is recorded in the guide that the Creator has authored for our benefit​—his Word, the Bible.

Objections

However, many objects, saying: ‘But the Bible and belief in God have long been in existence in “Christian” lands, and this has not stopped marriage failures.’

That is so. Yet, merely living in a country that claims to be Christian does not make the country Christian; nor does it make the person living there Christian. Merely possessing a Bible does not mean that a person lives by its standards. The fact is that most possessors of a Bible do not apply its laws and principles.

Some voice another objection: ‘But isn’t it true that there are happy marriages in which neither partner uses the Bible as a guide, and neither may even believe in God?’

That, too, is the case. How, then, does their happiness come about? It results from the fact that, although they do so unintentionally, the marriage partners follow a standard similar to that set out in the Bible. Whether they know it or not, they have, according to God-given conscience, adopted a way of life that is closer to harmonizing with God’s laws and principles for marriage.​—Rom. 2:14, 15.

But counting on accidentally adopting the right formulas for marriage is like hoping that you can sail on a ship without a rudder or navigator and accidentally drift to the right destination. It could happen, but it would not be wise to count on it. A ship with a rudder and an experienced navigator is far more likely to follow an accurate course and reach its destination.

Similarly, which would you prefer: Driving through a vast wilderness over dangerous and unfamiliar roads without a road map? Or using a road map prepared by the engineer who built the road, a map that had already proved reliable for many others who made the trip?

God is the great Navigator of marriage, and has provided the rudder of direction in his Word. He is the great Engineer of matrimony, having made the road leading to success. And he has issued a reliable road map.

Fatal Flaw

Many people believe that marriage is of human origin, that it sort of evolved over the ages to fill a human need. Others, while they may say that they believe in a Creator, make little or no effort to find out his will.

Hence, the fatal flaw of all these vast numbers of people is letting human wisdom alone guide their marriage. They ignore the superior wisdom that comes from the One who knows best, the Originator of marriage.

The person who leans on human wisdom alone as his guide is likened in the Bible to “a bush in the desert,” in that “nothing good ever happens to him.” But the person who turns to his Maker for guidance “is like a tree growing near a stream and sending out roots to the water. It is not afraid when hot weather comes, because its leaves stay green; it has no worries when there is no rain; it keeps on bearing fruit.”​—Jer. 17:6, 8, Today’s English Version; Ps. 1:1-3.

However, many do not want God in their lives. They want to ‘go it alone.’ In effect, they say, as did those described in Job 21:14-16: “The wicked tell God to leave them alone; they don’t want to know his will for their lives. They think there is no need to serve God or any advantage in praying to him. They claim they succeed by their own strength.”​—Today’s English Version.

But do they? Not when we see human society cluttered with the wreckage of marriage failures. And this wreckage comes about by ignoring the wisdom that comes from God. That is why the Bible says: “There exists a way that is upright before a man, but the ways of death are the end of it afterward.”​—Prov. 14:12.

Instead, God’s counsel is: “Trust in Jehovah with all your heart and do not lean upon your own understanding. In all your ways take notice of him, and he himself will make your paths straight.” Yes, “the fear of Jehovah is the start of wisdom.”​—Prov. 3:5, 6; 9:10.

Facing Reality

The truth on this matter of marriage success is as an official of a West African government admitted: “Only respect for Bible principles will make marriages successful.”

That is the way we humans were created. If we ignore those principles that originate with God, the consequences will be bad. It is similar to ignoring other principles, or laws, that control humans. For instance, if we ignore the law of gravity and jump off a high place, injury or death will result. If we ignore the physical laws of the body that require the intake of food, water, and air, we also pay a price. Similarly, if we ignore the principles of marriage that come from God​—principles that fit the way we were created mentally, emotionally, and physically—​we will pay the price of failure.

We reap what we sow. (Gal. 6:7) If we want to reap wheat, we cannot sow weeds. If we want a truly happy marriage, we cannot go contrary to the laws and principles that God has issued for success. And the closer we get to the blueprint provided by the Maker of marriage, the happier we will be.

Indeed, when God’s standards are faithfully adhered to, marriage will never end in total failure. The proof can be found in the lives of multitudes of couples who do adhere to them, and who are finding as much happiness in marriage as can be reasonably expected today.

But just how do those laws and principles in the Bible work? What does it really take to have a happy marriage?